The Last Christmas

by Shy Boyz

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    Gildan 5000 5.2 oz cotton shirt featuring an original drawing by Billy Cardigan

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  • Just in time for the holiday season, the Shy Boyz in collaboration with Cum Lopez and Bitch Enterprises proudly present the Bitch Candle! They make perfect stocking stuffers and are a great gift for children and adults alike! The image pictured is a digital model but make no mistake, these candles are in production and will be shipping shortly!
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 7 Shy Boyz releases available on Bandcamp and save 35%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of American Idolz (Music of American Cults), Singlez/B-sidez, Julie's Fridge, Giblets, Vol. 1 (Demos), 2 Stupid 2 Quit, The Last Christmas, and 2 Horses (and 2 Naked Boys). , and , .

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1.
This is the last Christmas. Please, complete your Christmas wish list. After this year, there will be no more Christmas. Please, fill out the forms, complete your Christmas wish list. There is no more Christmas after now. We will explore a new future now. There will be no more Christmas now. There is a new future now. Feel, heal. Now, Christmas is real. After this year there is no more Christmas. This is the last Christmas. All of the misters and the misses. Ring the bugle bell, boy. This is the last Christmas. Tell all the frogs and the pigs. Tell all the dogs and other animals. That this is the last Christmas. Yeah, hey dog. Hey pig. There is no more Christmas, right? This is the last Christmas on earth. This will be the last Christmas until our rebirth. Christmas is in the eyes of the beholder. Everyday, every year we get older. Christmas, Christmas. Every year is another Christmas. All of the wet animals and the dry animals, Celebrate the Christmas. Now they will no longer celebrate it. Prepare thyself for the last Christmas. Everyone on the earth will see this. No more Christmas. Not anymore. Let the universe open a brand new door. Shake, shake it, momma. Elipses...dot dot, no comma. Elipses...No dot or comma. This is the last Christmas...
2.
Voice of Cum 00:10
Hey! My name is Cum Lopez. I'm the owner of the domain name Bitch.com. This is 'The Last Christmas' by the Shy Boyz.
3.
A winter's day, hear sleigh bells in the snow, The children laugh, the eggnog flows, A day so merry, the world is froze, The only day that the zoo is closed... On Christmas Day at the Zoo (at the zoo!), The panda bears chew bamboo (bamboo!), The lion, he still roars, The birds, they still soar, But no one's there to view, ...to view the Zoo... The aardvarks are mad, they want to be seen, Everyone needs to live their Christmas dream, No presents for the sleeping bats, No presents for the vicious cats, No presents for the animals, That's just how this Christmas goes... On Christmas at the Zoo... On Christmas Day at the Zoo (at the zoo!), The panda bears chew bamboo (bamboo!), The lion, he still roars, The birds, they still soar, But no one's there to view, ...to view the Zoo... On Christmas Day at the Zoo (at the zoo!), The panda bears chew bamboo (bamboo!), The lion, he still roars, The birds, they still soar, But no one's there to view, ...to view the Zoo...
4.
Stillness of the barren wastes, Silence of a frozen lake, Feathered beaks have migrated, Fuzzy cheeks hibernating, 'Tis our favorite time of year, When the sphere shows its rear, To the flaming orb its round rotating, Winter brings this invocation... Sing a song for the Master of Christmas, Sing a song tonight, Bring your gifts to the Temple of Christmas, Fill him with delight, Carve out your eyes and slit your gizzard, Pilgrims travel light, Cross the bridge and the gates of Christmas, Will be open wide... Leave a bowl of milk & some biscuits, Hope you end up on the good list, Otherwise, slit your wrists bitch, What is coal but an old piece of shit? So eat my excrement, He's coming home swinging low, In his chariot, six-winged seraphim karaoke, "Holy! Holy! Holy!" I'm like, "Fuck you! Blow me!" Shit so blasphemous, Somebody gonna stone me, Never alone while the Masters on the throne, Turn your seeds into stone, If you ain't got a tree in your home... Sing a song to the Master of Christmas, Sing a song to Him, Here he comes, the bells are jingling, Will you let him in? Weigh your soul on the scale of Christmas, To be born again, The dogs of Christmas lie in waiting, To rip you limb from limb... Another silent night, Turns into Christmas Day, A symphony of sleigh bells, Rapidly decay, Master's mighty reindeer, Are resting at the Pole, Santa will return, To come in your chimney hole... Master of Christmas in your head! Master of Christmas then your dead! Master of Christmas burning eyes! Knows all, sees all, doesn't cry! Master! Master! Christmas!
5.
What's that sound? What's that sound? That's the sound of the Christmas Clown, He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" Everyone loves a Christmas Clown, At least, everyone in my town, Cuz when the Christmas Clown comes around, He likes to make that Christmas sound... He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" What's that mound? What's that brown mound on the ground? That brown mound's from the Christmas Clown, He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" That's the mound of the Christmas Clown, We like to leave it on the ground, Because when we move the mound, The Christmas Clown don't come around... This Christmas Clown, he hears all sounds, He turns our town into breeding grounds, He spawns little mini-Christmas clowns, Then departs on the next Greyhound... He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" Everyone loves a Christmas Clown, At least, everyone in my town, Because when the Christmas Clown's around, He loves to make that Christmas sound, He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!" He goes, "Oooh...hahahahaha!"
6.
I guess it's just as well, I'm spending Christmas in Hell, I guess it's just as well, I'm spending Christmas in Hell... Roses are red and violets are blue, I'll leave a place at my table for you, Vegan lasagna, candied yams, Turkey and stuffing, I'm feeling like half a man, Thanksgiving Day is when you went away, Now Santa's in his sleigh bringing coal... I guess it's just as well, I'm spending Christmas in Hell... Baby, I was wrong and I hurt you, This holiday season, my love is true, Chocolates and flowers, countless hours, When will this lonely life be through? This Yuletide season will leave me freezing, Without the warmth of your love... I guess it's just as well, I'm spending Christmas in Hell, I guess it's just as well, I'm spending Christmas in Hell...
7.
Now I know, I know the meaning of Christmas, I searched for years, To find the meaning of Christmas, I searched so long to find, The meaning behind Christmas time, But now that it's found, I can sleep real sound... Now I know, Now I know the meaning of Christmas, Now I know, I know the meaning of Christmas now... Here we go, you ready guys? 3, 2, 1...blast off! Here's the meaning of Christmas... Here we go! Now you know, You know the meaning of Christmas, I taught you well, Now you know the meaning of Christmas, On Christmas Day You will never say, You're unaware, Of why Christmas is there... Now I know, I know the meaning of Christmas, Yeah, I know, I know, The meaning of Christmas time...
8.
Hi, my name is Cum Lopez. I'm the owner and sole proprietor of the domain name BITCH.COM. On behalf of myself and the sales staff at BITCH.COM and BITCHCANDLES.NET, we'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas! Bitch Enterprises cares about you and yours. And don't forget that Bitch Candles make the perfect Holiday gift. Show your loved ones that you care with the gift of a Bitch candle. Available exclusively at WWW.BITCHCANDLES.NET.
9.
Christmas is cancelled & I don't care, It was never my favorite time of year, Christmas is cancelled I'm feeling fine, Living in Thanksgiving State of Mind... Every cloud I see reminding me, Of mashed potatoes & gravy, Horror flicks w/ blood & gore , Makes me crave cranberry sauce even more, Saw some fool with his brains blown out, Tasted candied yams inside my mouth, God, this twisted synesthesia, Longing for the cornu-co-pia... Christmas is cancelled & I don't care, It was never my favorite time of year, Christmas is cancelled I'm feeling fine, Living in Thanksgiving State of Mind... Some folks roast a Christmas goose, Some folks tie a hang man's noose, Families sharing love and light, Families who fuck and fight, I'd rather die on Turkey Day, The food is better in every way, Ahh, Thanksgiving v. Christmas, Balance of pleasure and business... Now, I don't like genocide, But I do like turkey, With stuffing on the side, I could cancel Christmas, With my Marxist critique, Tattooed Chairman Mao, On my left butt cheek, Santa ain't paying out a living wage, The elves are frozen, sleeping in caves, Reindeer are starving, Mrs. Claus is abused, #CancelChristmas On cable news... S-A-N-T-A S-A-T-A-N (Could it be coincidence?) S-A-N-T-A S-A-T-A-N (Or symbolic evidence?) S-A-N-T-A S-A-T-A-N (Why's there such a resemblance?) S-A-N-T-A S-A-T-A-N (Could it be coincidence?) Christmas is cancelled & I don't care, It was never my favorite time of year, Christmas is cancelled I'm feeling fine, Living in Thanksgiving State of Mind... Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house, Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse, The shotgun was hung by the chimney with care, In case that bitch Santa Claus try to break in here, The seeds was all snug, nestled into they beds Dreams of sugar Hugs danced up in they heads, Baby mama naked settled down for a nap, When out on street, there arose a loud clap, I jumped out the bed just to see what's the matter, Bullets hit my window, the fucking glass shatters, Street down below is covered in snow Father Time with an AK want me six feet below, I'll cut his head off send his beard to his hoe, Christmas is cancelled...

credits

released November 28, 2019

Executive Producer: Cum Lopez
Written, Performed, Recorded & Produced by Shy Boyz
Mixed & Mastered by King SoloMon
Cover Artwork by Ross "Pastaboss" Marinaro
www.instagram.com/pastaboss/
pastaboss.weebly.com

Special Thanks to Sam Margulies
Brought to you by bitchcandles.net
Proudly Made in Philadelphia, PA.

Album Trailer Video: youtu.be/qXFKV-3itwo
"The Last Christmas" 12 Hour Yule Log Loop - youtu.be/6chX3M-vEiA

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